Why This is 10 Shades of Wrong for a Funeral

 

 


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What Not to Wear to a Funeral

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I can’t say I had an expectation that this individual would act with decorum at any occasion, but this image of Kim Kardashian attending a funeral almost made my eyes pop out of my head. Given the current state of popular culture, this is not an easy feat.

A funeral is an occasion where one gathers with others to remember and honor the life of someone dear to them. This means someone other than oneself.

I point out this super-basic detail to illustrate that when one is commemorating another, the most basic commandment is to keep the spotlight on the person in question. The keyword here is respect. Particularly at funerals, this means that party garb, hot date garb, Vegas garb and circus levels of makeup are out. This is because funerals are somber and serious events—someone has died—not time to show everyone how incredibly hot you are and how much everyone should pay attention to you.

That said, here are some traditional funeral dos, along with some serious don’ts, as highlighted by our model and prominent touchstone of cultural decay:

  • Attire should consist of black attire, made from dull and matte fabrics. No sequins, glitters, rhinestones or “Hey, look at me” nonsense like mesh-covered arms, as charmingly sported in the photo.
  • The cut of the clothes should be traditional, modest and clearly of the formal variety. This is done to project awareness and respect, two good things to communicate at someone’s funeral.
  • A man’s suit should not be too slick, and a woman’s body should be well covered.
  • Ladies, wear a skirt or dress if you can, not pants. Don’t even think about wearing shorts, even the civilized kind.
  • Keep jewelry to a minimum, and avoid big, showy or clanky pieces. A ring, solitary bangle or unfussy necklace, such as basic pearls or a simple gold strand, are traditional pieces.
  • Skirt and dress length—nothing above the knee, and I’d shoot for three-quarter lengths to be safe. In the photo, Kim Kardashian’s skirt length here can best be described as somewhere in the lower-crotch area.
  • Add black tights or hose, weather permitting.
  • Not a speck of cleavage. Cover it up. All of it. No spaghetti straps or showy necklines, either.
  • Shoes. For men, wear your best. Ladies, avoid open-toed shoes or anything that brings to mind words like spindly, spiky, stiletto, sexy. The ankle-strap gold-and-shell spiked heels seen in the photo above, for instance, may be groovy to hit the clubs with but are wrong on all counts as funeral footwear.
  • In many cases, black flats, straightforward pumps or boots with a minor heel are the best bet, particularly if you are going to be standing at cemetery grounds. Do not wear flip flops. I am personally begging you.
  • Makeup. Keep makeup simple and understated. Avoid bright or trendy cosmetics on the face or nails. No sexpot, mussed or pageant hairdos.

A note on manner: Funerals are somber events, therefore this is not the time for big smiles, bubbling laughter and loud behavior. Pay your respects to the deceased person’s family with sincerity and sobriety. Keep conversations focused on the person and their life, and in a positive way.

On the other hand, dressing like Kim Kardashian at a wedding could be a good ploy to bring someone back from the beyond. For I am pretty certain that if anyone attended my funeral in a getup like this I would pop out of my casket to personally boot them the hell out.

 

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