I had a funny experience last week. I was a guest on a radio show, which is an experience I always enjoy. Quick, spirited and accomplished in my living room. It was something of a last-minute booking, so I didn’t do much research on the show, and received something of a curve ball when the very charming host opened up the segment, post-intro, by asking me for sex tips. That was, after all, the theme of the show.
“Sure,” said I, who does not actually specialize in sex advice, per se. I then launched into something along the lines of sex-ish tips. The host seemed to like this, and the rest of the segment whirled into a great exchange on ways to up your mate game, including tips on improving your conversations (be learned about various topics, be passionate about something and don’t kvetch no matter what) and some non-cheesy ways to charm your date.
The Art of the Tease, Generally
Okay, back to the sex-ish tips. My top tip was about how important it is to understand and practice the art of the tease. If you’ve been dating someone for about two minutes, or have been married for about a gazillion, it is up to you to understand the importance of and the art of keeping desire intact. (I’m assuming here that you want to be in a romantic relationship with the person to begin with.)
Desire, lust and attraction is not some nebulous thing that just “goes away” on some random day. It is a living, breathing organism of sorts that needs tending.
And you, madam, are the gardener. Sure, it takes two, and I’m a firm believer that these things are contagious. That, as keeper of the flame, you will inspire your mate, if he is not as dedicated—or simply does not know how to do this tending—to follow suit.
Two broad strategies to become keeper of the flame include:
Don’t Overshare: Sure, compatibility is a necessity in relationships. After all, you must have something in common with and admire your mate. However, I caution against the “my best friend” mentality when it comes to romance because the best friend designation is a different dynamic than the intimately close, man and woman one. Best friends engage in a complete and utter spilling in a manner that doesn’t seem to jive with romance, at least to me. In other words, a woman should have her secrets.
Keep a Veil, Smartly: Speaking of secrets, if you wish to be treasured, desired and admired, practice a certain type of restraint. This means, essentially, don’t let it all hang out in everyday living. For example, prancing around the house in the buff everyday, no matter how fantastic your figure, will become visually old hat at some point.
That and other activities that one usually engages in private should not be shared with your mate if you want him to continue treating you like his luscious little temptress. Why would I want to see a guy floss his teeth? Flex his biceps, yes. Walk around in a nicely fitted pair of boxer briefs, yes also.
Before I veer too off the subject, I’ll conclude with this nugget of truth to guide your keeping of the flame: Allure requires exclusivity.