Posts Tagged ‘jealousy over losing weight’

Your Mate Disabling You In Weight Loss, Working Out & Looking Fine?

working out with a partner

I can’t imagine being anything short of stoked if I learned that my significant other or even sometimes other was going to embark on an earnest campaign of healthy eating and exercise. After all, this means that I would be the recipient of these changes in the form of a more happy and energized mate with an even more beguiling body. And I would also be less tempted to go out with them to eat truffle oil french fries and drink a gallon of champagne. So win. And win.

However, in certain relationships, even platonic ones, one person’s plans to change for the better may set the stage for discord or even an unraveling of the way things were.

A middle-aged friend was overweight, out of shape and sluggish, the product of night after night spent with his other plump and prosperous peers at popular Manhattan restaurants, eating lavish course after course, downing bottles of expensive wine and smoking cigars. He envisioned himself as a thinner, more energetic and youthful-looking dude, and made a quick change to a vegetarian diet with little-to-no-alcohol that included daily workouts and early nights.

En route he discovered that most of his tablemates were not truly his friends. They were more like fellow members of a club where admittance was based on mirroring each others’ dining and socializing habits. Ordering vegetable plates and salads and eschewing cigars and wine made him frequently the butt of the night’s jokes. He found that, fully sober, he had little to say to them.

Though he remained friends with one or two in the group, he eventually found a new set whose lifestyles were more in line with his. And now, 55 pounds lighter and toned, he is a much happier and satisfied man who also looks completely different.

So, making major positive changes in the realm of your diet, health or figure can be a litmus test of sorts to see just how much your guy or girl is on Your Team. Assuming you haven’t shaved your head, gotten impossible levels of plastic surgery or taken up a heroin diet, if someone you’re dating or married to or otherwise entangled with is trying to scuttle your plans to look and feel more lovely, I believe you should say adieau to them, and stat.

However, if you feel the relationship warrants it, you may first want to determine what the issue is really about: Does your friend fear losing you as someone she can always kvetch to about how models are spaghetti-slim and dress sizes are ridiculously small? Your boyfriend fear that with your alluringly upgraded figure you’ll be tempted to seek out greener pastures?

By the way, they might not even know themselves, so you might have to play some guesswork to figure it out. Have a word with the person to reaffirm that, though you are seeking personal changes, the essence of your relationship will not.

And if your diet or nutrition or workout scuttler is someone you simply can’t divorce, like an in-law or co-worker or something like that, when they dangle something Achilles Heel-like in your direction like a Choco Taco or a wedge of Humboldt Fog, do the following: Keep the image of you at your desired goal fixed firmly and with great detail in your mind, all the way down to how taut your future waist looks. And your arms! They will be the essence of shapely!

Whenever someone floats a platter of some fattening whatever under your nose, or insists you go to the mall with them during your dedicated running hour, flash back to this image. Then ask yourself which you want more: The momentary and hollow pleasure in front of you, or the long-term joy and satisfaction of achieving and getting to live with the You that you desire.

*I offer a couple more tips on making weight loss a more palatable affair for couples in Sheba Wheeler’s interesting piece in the Denver Post, “Weight Loss Shouldn’t Threaten Well-Adjusted Couples.”