And what a case she makes. Mari Ruti, author of the new book The Case For Falling In Love reminds us of a central virtue of the thing: falling in love (and even having your heart broken) can prompt you, no, force you, to grow in profound ways. In other words, you are better for having loved and lost than for having never loved in the first place.
And when you do: Take the lesson and exploit it positively to the hilt for the betterment of knowing who you are and what makes you tick. In other words, your experiences in romantic love can be a potent master class all about you.
Store book shelves are packed with relationship books, an uneven supply quality to meet a human demand that never seems to waver. A need to understand what the hell is going on…with you, the other person, why they don’t like you, love you, want you, lust you, call you, and on. And on.
The central value of this one, though, is how well Ruti brings the most challenging landscapes of romantic love back to their basics. Bitter with the sweet basics. Rolled-back and untangled, potent basics that bring relief because they are so certain. These are, after all, the logical conclusions that once upon a time, a step or two into your romantic history, you computed quickly and surely. Since then, paved over by justifications and twists and guesses, they’ve become harder to come by.
If you keep the book around the house, I suspect it will become dog-eared from random and impromptu readings. And its confident message to be particularly valuable to those about to enter the dating and relationship world either for the first time, or for the first time in a long time.
From the author’s list of “potent anti-rules,” a few of my favorites:
- A love failure is not a life failure.
- Stop running after guys who don’t want you. I’ll add a vice versa for the men in the audience: stop running after girls who aren’t over the moon to be standing by your side.
- Stop being afraid to have needs and vulnerabilities.
- Stop manipulating the guy you love. For this, Ruti advises the following: If you need a project, treat your life like a work of art. Here, here.